Stopthewhining.com

A snapshot of my morning for the past 21 days.

Me: Do you want milk?
Gabriel: Waaaaahhh!

Me: Do you want some cereal?
Gabriel: Uuuuuhhhhh!

Me: Let's play with your blocks.
Gabriel: No!

Me: Let's read a book.
Gabriel: Mmmmaaaamamamamama!

The whine.

I hate whining. I know I'm not alone. In fact, most people probably find this part of childhood particularly annoying. But for me, it's on a whole different level. Constant whining is my idea of life in hell.

Dictionary.com defines "whine" as:

1. to utter a low, usually nasal, complaining cry or sound, as from uneasiness, discontent, peevishness, etc.

2.	to snivel or complain in a peevish, self-pitying way

Peevish, self-pitying. Yep. That would describe what I've been hearing on a constant basis for the last 3 weeks. The sound of that "uuuuuhhhhhhh......" all day long in that distinct pitch of voice makes me want to set myself on fire.

Right now I'm working on a cure for whining. So far I'm 0 for 458. Is there hope? Is there relief from this stage? If your answer is "when they're 18 and out of your house," you are not helpful. Try again.

"I love being a girl"

I'm such a girl sometimes. I cry, I pout, I produce more drama in my life than I have executive rights for. I usually say way too much and have a difficult time saying no. I over-commit. And in the end, I usually feel completely overwhelmed.

But thank the good Lord above for girlfriends. Yesterday was a textbook case of the female breakdown. I called a bestie yesterday afternoon to discuss the said crisis for the week and completely melted in the car. There I was, driving down FM 407, mascara running down my face, wiping my nose on my sleeve, bawling into the phone, trying to get to my internship (a major source of my stress). I told her that I think I'm like Mrs. Incredible minus the "incredible" part. You know the part in The Incredibles where Mrs. Incredible has to save her children from the burning plane and so she has to stretch herself out like a balloon? That's me. Not the life-saving, courageous part. The stretched out to the limit part, with people clinging onto you, wanting something from you. (Dramatic, I told you.)

After sobbing to my friend for way too long, I said, "Do you know what I mean?" And she said, "Yes. I feel that way, too." Now, I'm not happy that she's neck deep this crap. I hurt for her. But, it is comforting to know that I'm not alone in the foxhole. I've got someone beside me that understands where I'm at and what I'm going through. And, after talking with her and asking for some prayer, I felt like I could be Mrs. Incredible just a little bit longer...but just until May.

A Move in the Right Direction

Finally.

Finally, I have peace about what's going on with Gabriel's lack of walking. Today, Michael and I had a chance to meet with three ladies who work with the ECI program (Early Childhood Intervention). They came over to our house around 1:00 this afternoon and took about two hours getting to know Gabriel. They asked LOTS of questions. And because of this I can finally rest a little easier knowing that my baby is going to be okay.

As I said, after asking us a slew of questions regarding Gabriel's development, it seemed to them that Gabriel is behind in his gross motor skills by about 6 months to be precise. And due to the gross motor skills lacking, his language skill development has taken a backseat. Thankfully, this has nothing to do with his brain development. In every other area he came back right on or ahead. He's just a SUPER TALL kid. (Just as a side note, we learned that Gabriel takes after me on the social front. The kid has the social skills of 27 month old! HA HA!) According to the very sweet and knowledgeable ladies (Ms. Lindsay, Ms. Liz, and Ms. Kim) that evaluated Gabriel, he's having a difficult time supporting himself because he's very tall and has a lot more weight to distribute that most kiddos his age. Ms. Lindsay reminded me (and I hit myself for forgetting this, being a development major), that when motor skills are lagging behind, language skills usually put on their breaks. Now, Michael and I suspected this for a while. We knew he wasn't walking, or even talking as much as other kids his age. But it was assuring to hear it come from a professional's mouth. The problem has always been where do we go from here. We get it. He's behind. But what do we do to catch him up? That's where ECI comes into play.

Gabriel qualified for their physical therapy program and will begin seeing a physical therapist, hopefully starting next week. Ms. Lindsay and Ms. Liz will be coming by twice a month to check on Gabriel's progress and to help us out in any way they can. In the meantime (before we meet with the PT), Ms. Lindsay gave us some exercises to do with Gabriel to get the ball rolling. Things we hadn't even thought of, like have him sit on a stool and put a desired object above him so he has to stand up and reach for it. We tried it today and he really tried to stand up on his own. We had lots of topples and spills, but after a while, he was getting better! AND, to show off, Gabriel decided to take FOUR steps while the ECI ladies were there. (Figures.)

Needless to say, I feel better about the situation and am relieved to know that someone is going to come and help us get Gabriel caught up. Thank you for those of you who have prayed for us. I'd like to ask that you keep praying that my Littlest improves each day! I'll keep you posted. Until then, here's to lots of bumps and bruises ahead!

Survival

We made it. Our first trip without Gabriel was a success. No, scratch that. It was FREAKIN' FANTASTIC! It's difficult for me to begin describing how incredible it is to take a trip post baby, with just your husband. I don't know how many people (if any people) read my blog, but if you do, you're a parent and you haven't taken a trip with just your hubby, stop what you're doing right now. Go online. BOOK A VACATION. This trip did wonders for my marriage. And there is nothing wrong with my marriage! I have an amazing, devoted, loving husband. But this trip re-energized us. We stayed in a phenomenal cabin (check out this website if you want to vacation in Colorado), ate great food, drank good drinks, and played, played, played! We went to Garden of the Gods, Cripple Creek, Cave of the Winds and Pikes Peak. We even got to have lunch with my cousin, Christina Von Fange Culver (awesome name, huh?) and her husband Randy. We had a blast. Here are just a few snap shots from our little adventure.

The love of my life!

Garden of the Gods. Breathtaking.
Our cozy "little" cabin.

The view behind our cabin.

Another view from behind the cabin.

The aspens outside our cabin. Beautiful!

A few visitors that stopped by our cabin.

Scary, I know.

It snowed the last night we were there!

My cousin, Christina Von Fange! Can you tell we're related?

Our our way up the Cog Railway to Pikes Peak!

The view atop Pikes Peak.

Who's having a better time? I don't think it's the sawdust stuffed ram.

Flippin' Cold. 18 degrees, -7 degree wind chill, 35 mph winds. Thought I was going to die.

Delicious hot donuts and hot chocolate at the top. Only $100 million dollars.

Alright, back to the story.

Now, I won't lie, it was hard leaving Littlest behind. I missed him every day. And every night when I would get to talk to him on the phone and all I could make out through the babbling was "Mama," I would almost cry. But then we'd say goodnight, it was done and we were back to having fun! Do you remember what it's like to go to dinner just with your husband? Stay out as late as you want? Go somewhere that doesn't require a kid friendly atmosphere? Just do whatever you want? If you're having issues remembering what this part of leisurely life is like, BOOK A VACATION.

God created marriage before He created procreation. He wants us to make sure that our marriage is in good standing so we can ensure our family is in good standing. Michael and I accepted this challenge and fulfilled it joyfully this past weekend. Have you put some time into making sure your marriage is in tip top shape? If it looks like your marriage may need a little TLC right now, take it from me: BOOK A VACATION.

Preparations

My husband reached a great milestone today. He crossed the threshold to wisdom and clarity. Ah yes, the threshold that is: Turning Thirty.


To celebrate this monumental occasion, we did what most people do: book a trip and leave the kid behind. That's right, we're going on our first trip without Gabriel. I have to admit, as the day draws near, I'm getting increasingly more anxious. Can we really leave Gabriel behind for four whole days? Will he survive without us? Will he even miss us or remember who we are when we return? (I never said my thoughts weren't ridiculous.)


My parents have been gracious enough to make the 7 hour commute to watch him while we're away and although I know he's in very capable hands, I still have worries. What if he gets a fever? What if he breaks a limb? What if he, God-forbid, gets the swine flu? Then there's the other irrational side of the coin. What if we die in a car wreck? What if we get mauled by a bear? What if a mountain lion eats me in the middle of the night? What will Gabriel do?

With these preposterous ideas floating around, we decided that God was trying to tell us to be prepared. Okay, maybe God wasn't really saying that...He was probably saying, "Trust me," but my initial interpretation (and they say you should always go with your gut instinct right?) was to be extra cautious. We'll trust Him AND be prepared. So, we created "The Will." (dun, dun, dun!) Definitely not the most fun conversation to have with your husband who is reaching a pivotal moment in his life. But a necessary one to have nonetheless. Good news is, it's done.

Now, with only 4 days left until departure, I must get in loads of hugs, kisses and snuggles with my favorite Littlest Buddy. Even though I know I'll see him again in only a few short days, I'm going to take each day to love him like it's the last time I'll see him. And then, live it up with my husband, my lover, my best friend, my everything for a well needed and well deserved vacation sans child. Here's to new "firsts".

Whining

Warning: This posting is going to be a frustration vent. Nothing more. If you're the type of person that only likes to read happy-go-lucky things on a blog, look elsewhere today, my friend. I'm disgruntled.

Alright, now that the warning has been served to the masses, I'll begin. As many know, my son is not walking. This frustrates me. Gabriel is now 16 months old and sporting a very healthy and trim 30lbs, but still manages to elude walking. It's not that he can't do it (or so I think), it's that he won't. 90% of kids his age are already walking. It frustrates me that my kid is in that 10% group that isn't. There's nothing wrong with his development, I know that. I just want him to pick up the pace and catch up with the 90% of other kids his age that are moving on two legs!

Now, please refrain from telling me, "Oh you just wait until he is walking, then you'll never be able to catch him. You'll be sorry you even mentioned it. You'll wish he was still crawling. Your life will be over once he's on the go...blah, blah, blah." To those folk who love to give this sort of unsolicited "advice" (is that what it would be called?), shut up. I don't want to hear it.

My back hurts.

My son can't go to the playground with kids his age because he can't walk.

He gets called "the bouncer" at church.

These things irritate me. I'm sure some mothers out there are thinking, "Well, she's being a little irrational. My brother's sister's cousin's next door neighbor's nephew didn't walk until he was 18 months old and they're just fine." Great for them. If you are one of those mothers though who likes to discredit my frustrations with generalized responses such as that, put yourself in my shoes. Would you enjoy having to carry a solid 30 lbs of anything around with you all the time? Would you enjoy having to constantly hear your son or daughter be called "the heavyweight, or the bouncer" in their "baby" class at church because they can't move up with the walkers yet until their actually walking? Would you enjoy having to dope yourself with Excedrin and Extra Strength Advil every night just to go to sleep, because your back is screaming in pain? Would you enjoy having your son/daughter not be able to participate in various activities with other kids their age because he/she can't walk? My guess is your answer would be, "Well, no..."

Now, as I said, I'm venting. I know things could be worse. I know he'll walk eventually. But I never said patience was a virtue for me. I'm a fallen woman and embracing the cultural norm of "I want relief now." That's all. Hopefully in the next couple weeks it will come.

Spinning Plates

And for my next trick, I will balance a full cup of coffee on my head while carrying a 30lb toddler in one arm, ironing my husband's shirts with the other, and testing the baby's bath water with one foot, all while studying for my three exams that will be given the next day.

That, my friends, is an understatement. My life feels like a three ring circus and I'm the final clown trying to squeeze into the car with all the other clowns whose work loads are similar to mine. Practicum started last week and school starts this week. Someone pass the Valium.

When I signed up to do three classes and a 20 hr/week internship, I thought, "No problem. It'll just be like having a full time job and being a mommy at the same time. Tons of people do it everyday. I can do it too."

Holy crap. How do you people do it? How do you manage to raise your kids, attend to your husband, keep your house clean, keep the dog fed, dishes and laundry done and work everyday without developing a drug or alcohol problem? I feel like I should sign up for an AA meeting now, even though I haven't started drinking.

Last night after I got home from the Advocacy Center, I laid in bed next to my husband, desperate to go to sleep. But all I could do was look at him and think, "Did I make the right choice? Is all this work, all this sacrifice, my family is enduring for me, worth it?" With tears streaming down my face at the thought, my husband took his hand, wiped away my tears, and said, "I love you." In that moment, I knew he was saying that he's in this with me. It's going suck, sure. I know there will be plenty of long nights and definitely more tears. But we're going to go through it together and when I'm finished in May, I'll be able to stand there in my cap and gown and say, "I'm no longer one of the clowns in a tiny car. I've graduated. I'm now the ringleader."